Christian Love Cares for Others at Personal Cost – Romans 12:13–16

PRAY

We come now to verse 13 in Romans 12, which in the original Greek grammatically shares the style of the participial verbs in the previous verses. But I have chosen to attach it to the more direct imperatives that follow because of common theme. This theme ties once more back to Christian demonstration of the genuine love which we have received from God (v. 9). And in these verses we see it is a love which cares for the good of others at cost to oneself. Christian love is marked by caring concern for others at personal cost.

Romans 12:13–16 ESV

¹³ Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.
¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.
¹⁶ Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.

What weaves the commands in these verses together is that we must…

Demonstrate Christian love in caring for others at personal cost.

What I believe these four verses in the virtue list have in common is that Christian love cares for others at personal cost. They describe this in various situations and relationships.

-Christian love generously shares and willingly hosts to meet needs and to bless others.

-Christian love desires good and prays for the good of even those who persecute us.

-Christian love selflessly celebrates joy and success with others and sympathizes with them in their hardship and mourning. 

-Christian love seeks unity and interpersonal harmony through personal humility.

In each of these we are to demonstrate Christian love in caring for others at personal cost. First…

Love by sharing and hosting to provide and to bless. (verse 13)

“Share in the needs of the saints and pursue hospitality.” 

Christian love pursues the practical well-being of others. Paul says, fellowship (share together) in the needs of the saints. 

Just like in our contemporary setting, some Christians had significantly greater financial means than others. We think of Joseph of Arimathea who provided his tomb for the body of Jesus. We think of Philemon in Colossae who provided his home as a meeting place for the church, along with others who did the same in other cities.

But a great many believers had significantly less by way of material possessions and provision. Robert Mounce remarks, “The level of poverty and the need for help were relatively high in the early church. It was critical for believers who had enough and more to share their abundance with those who were in need.” (NAC Romans)

Those familiar with the early church in the Biblical text probably think of the end of Acts chapter 2. The brand new church was growing rapidly in Jerusalem, but they were united in devoting themselves to the apostles teaching and to breaking bread and praying together (Ac 2:42). They also generously cared for the needs of any among them, even selling some possessions and belongings in order to do so (Ac 2:45).

Now the point of sharing in the needs of the saints is not to sell all our possessions such that we then become the ones in need. But the heart of this is a spirit of generosity when we realize that we have more than we need and are glad to give to share together in the needs of others. The more connected and committed we are in the local church, the more acutely we see and feel the needs of others around us and seek to help them.

And the truth is, even when we have an abundance, such generosity to help others costs us something. We have to willingly forego some extra comforts and forego additional padding to our future planning. And yet, we do it cheerfully, in gratitude to God for all that he is providing us.

The same is plainly true through our consistent giving in support of God’s ministry among us and out from us. The point is not that there is no cost to us, but that such cost is worth it because our aim with our whole lives is to gratefully respond to God’s love toward us. So in giving we store up treasure in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal. In generously giving to help others we trade an earthly investment for an even better eternal investment.

Now you may not be among those with an abundance. You may be in a season of barely scraping by. But there is a spirit of caring fellowship that can still apply to you. Providing for material needs is not the only way we can share in helping the saints. Many of you see ways to serve and jump in to help meet those needs. (One young man here at church is a rich blessing to me because he saw a need for someone to hang around and turn off the lights and lock up after gatherings. He sees the need and knows that if someone else doesn’t fill it, the pastor will have to. So this kindness is significant to me and my family, and is a benefit to all of you who don’t have to give it a second thought.) What I’m saying is that if we do not have much by way of material blessings to share, we can share in the needs of the saints with our time and energy. But we must do so by giving it our best and with a sincere attitude to please the Lord.

-Along with fellowshipping in the needs of the saints to show Christian love, Paul also tells us to pursue hospitality.Hospitality was the practice of putting up travelers without charge in one’s home. This kind of hospitality was important for two reasons: affordability and safety. Inns were relatively scarce and expensive, and they were rarely desirable, with significant issues like security and impropriety. Imagine if you had to worry at hotels whether you were going to be robbed or have your family members be exposed to exceedingly unbecoming behavior.

This then would be an especially good opportunity to show Christian care to fellow believers, even ones previously unknown to the host. Although they were strangers in a sense, according to the IVP Background Commentary, these sojourners “would normally carry letters from those trusted by their hosts, attesting that they were to be accepted as guests.” So this hospitality wasn’t ignorant and imprudent, but it was generous and beneficial to the recipients.

Consider the number of times that Paul and his companions, even those who carried letters for him to the churches, would have benefited from this kind of Christian hospitality in various locations. And most of these stays would not have been super brief! Even though Christian guests should learn to be the most thoughtful guests, there is cost to us when we let people live in our space. But the point is that we consider it worthwhile and a joy to bless others in the household of faith.

My family and I have benefited greatly from this hosting spirit to bless us from folks right here in our church family, and our next week away is being provided through an organized ministry to Christian servants designed for this very purpose. What an amazing thing to have a network of Christians desiring to host and bless fellow Christians.

By way of expanding our application of hospitality, I’ll add that I think there’s more to it than only hosting people in your home, although that’s the central gist of hospitality. Hospitality is hosting others at your own cost. But the spirit of hospitality also extends to even smaller and more frequent interactions and opportunities. In that sense, hospitality is the gracious spirit of making others feel cared for and “at home.” We can therefore practice hospitality in a myriad of ways, including the way we treat people when they join us in our gathering space here. Acknowledge that the cost is your convenience, but then cheerfully and readily share your space and make people feel at home among us. Think about it: caring for others and making them feel at home, whether its people we know or people we don’t, is Christian ministry that every one of us can participate in every Lord’s Day when we gather.

Demonstrate Christian love in caring for others at personal cost, which is to share in the needs of others and gladly host for their blessing. Brothers and sisters, I thank God for those among us who are such an example to me of this selfless and generous spirit.

The next example of Christian love that cares for others at personal cost involves a Christlike way of thinking and living toward those who have ill-will against us.

Love by praying for and desiring the good of even enemies. (verse 14)

“Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.”

Verse 14 seems a bit out of place to us and more connected with verses 17-21 that involve our relationship to those outside the household, with an emphasis there on not seeking revenge. But as Rabbinical teaching would sometimes do, Paul makes a verb connection between pursuing (hospitality) in the previous command with a contrasting group who pursue/persecute us. There is both an intentional connection and deliberate change in meaning of the verb. But within that shift Paul maintains thematic continuance in genuine love that abhors evil and holds fast to good (v. 9). Also the emphasis remains that such love costs us something.

Even at the cost of not getting justice for unfair treatment, Christian love cares for the eternal souls of those who persecute us. Paul’s command for the virtuous manifestation of love deliberately draws from the well of Jesus’ teaching. Hear his words in Matt 5:43-44 & Luke 6:27-28.

Matthew 5:43–44 ESV

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

Luke 6:27–28 ESV

²⁷ “But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.

When we take what Paul says in Rom 12:14 with this background in Christ’s teaching, it gives us clarity that Paul means Christian love learns to pray for and even to desire the eternal good of our enemies, instead of asking God to curse them. Douglas Moo says, “To “bless” one’s persecutors, therefore, is to call on God to bestow his favor upon them. Its opposite, of course, is cursing—asking God to bring disaster and/or spiritual ruin on a person.” (NICNT Romans, second edition)

Instead of cursing those who mistreat us, we care about their eternal souls and pray for God to bless them by changing their hearts so that they will repent and be saved. Rather than doing that which would seem natural, that we would desire their demise and disaster, we adapt our hearts to the heart of Jesus when he says, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Lk 23:34, NIV)

We can do this, we can treat enemies with this eternal kindness, because we know full well that no injustice ever gets past God’s detection and his perfect justice. Every injustice is marked and will either be paid for by the person in their own punishment or is paid by the atonement of Jesus for their sin. But not one single sin will ever get past God.

The fact that sins will ultimately be judged does not mean that we shouldn’t allow earthly governing authority to pursue justice and curb wickedness. One could argue from Rom 13:4 that such is the very purpose God has for the existence of governing authorities. Whether or not the authorities and authority structures honor God is another matter, and for another time. But the point here is that we can pray for and seek the good of others, even when the justice system needs to be engaged in the process of pursuing their good, but not for our revenge. And what is even more difficult is when the justice system becomes involved and yet true justice is not reached. But once more, our hope is not in earthly justice but in God.

So then the greatest challenge to loving our enemies is undoubtedly in our own hearts because of the real harm done to us. But then the best recourse in these situations is to pray for them, and to pray for God to graciously salve our hurting hearts with his peace. We ask God to wrap us in his comforting arms. And we must listen to a perfectly sincere Father who says, I truly to understand and sympathize, and I love you.

So a second way Christian love cares for others at personal cost is to desire and pray for the good of those who have set themselves up as the enemies of our good. Another way to demonstrate Christian love is…

Love by selflessly celebrating and sympathizing with others. (verse 15)

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”

This pair of commands could potentially apply to all relationships, but it does seem that the grammatical shift to infinitive verb forms also marks a shift back toward relationships with fellow Christians. That isn’t to say that there isn’t some baseline of applying these attitudes towards everyone, but that their primary place of application is in the household of faith.

To rejoice with those who rejoice is to gladly celebrate with others when they are blessed by God and when they experience success to the glory of God. Its antithesis is jealousy and envy. James warns that jealousy and selfish ambition are unspiritual and demonic, and that where they exist, so does every evil practice (James 3:14-16). Paul warns in 1 Cor 3that jealousy and quarreling are signs of being worldly, even the Corinthian competition as to who is more spiritual by following which apostle. So learn now that envy is harmful to you and to those around you. It is a fertilizer for breeding sins of every kind.

By contrast, because we are one in Christ Jesus, we gladly celebrate with when others are blessed by God and experience success for God’s glory. Whenever we realize that we are one body in Christ Jesus, then the success and blessing of one means blessing for us all, as God’s grace is exalted and his kingdom is promoted. “If one member is honored, all rejoice together.” (1 Cor 12:26)

The same is true in caring for others in their hurt… because we are members one of another in God’s household (Rom 12:5). As Paul also says in 1 Cor 12:26 “If one member suffers, all suffer together.” Or the author to the Hebrews in 13:3 says, “Remember those who are in prison, as though in prison with them, and those who are mistreated, since you also are in the body.”

Here in Rom 12:15 Paul describes this sympathy as weeping with those who weep. To weep with those to weep is to caringly sympathize with the difficulties and hurts of others, with the goal of being an instrument of God’s care for them(even to be a simple reminder of his presence and sympathy). We might be an instrument of God simply by our presence in their hurt to remind them of God’s presence, and of His sincere sympathy and care.

Similar to what we stated previously, the antithesis of sympathy is selfishness and rivalry. We might be so selfish that we aren’t seeing others in their hurt. Or perhaps when we do, we are unfeeling—callously hardhearted. Out of rivalry we might even relish their hurt. As we have seen, there is no place for such callousness or rivalry among God’s people. Such attitudes bring harm to us all.

Instead, we should actively sympathize in one another’s hurts and struggles, especially participating in casting those cares on the Lord in prayer. Where one heart is heavy with the weight of care that they carry to the Lord, so we unite our hearts to sympathetically help them carry this weight. The two most practical ways to weep with those who weep is by presence and prayer. There is a healthy way to do this without being preachy in our presence and patronizing in our prayer. Sincere sympathy should help us guard against these. Of course, in genuine sympathy, our presence and prayer might also be windows of opportunity for words of comfort from God’s word, and it might provide insight for other ways we can actively serve them. But I suggest that it is wise to let simple presence and prayer spearhead our endeavor to weep with those who weep.

So we have seen that genuine Christian love provides and blesses by sharing and hospitality, that it willingly prays for the good of our enemies, and that it celebrates the joys and sympathizes in the sorrows of others. Finally…

Love by living harmoniously with one another in humility. (verse 16)

“Think the same way toward one another: do not think yourself lofty, but associate with the lowly. Do not be wise in your own opinion.”

By my count this is now the third reference to the concept of humility in Romans 12. Paul said in v. 3 that in the renewed, Christian way of thinking we should not think of ourselves more highly than we ought, but to think with sober judgment. Then at verse 10 he challenged us to outdo one another in showing honor—to go first in honoring others above ourselves. Now here again is a third reference to humility.

Humility must be important, and it is. Humility summarizes the spirit (the attitude) of Christian love, which marks the Christian community and makes for mutual blessing. We know that Jesus commanded this sacrificial love like his own and said that it would be the distinguishing mark of his followers (John 13:34-35). What Paul describes here is the mutual blessing that takes place when Christians love like Jesus has loved us.

We are to think in the same way as one another, which is to stop elevating ourselves and to deliberately associate with the humble (meaning the lowly), and to stop being wise in our own opinion. I can think of two ways that we learn humility when we are wise in our own opinion and love our opinions. The first is that our self-exalted hearts can be brought low by significant embarrassment. This is a hard way to learn the lesson, as Jesus teaches in Luke 14:7-11. Better to choose the humble seat at the table than to take the place of honor and then be ashamed when we are removed from it. But sometimes we might have to learn humility in this painful way of suffering embarrassment to put us in our place.

The other way, and the best way, is to exalt Jesus so much that you admire his humility and want to be like him. My prayer is that Paul’s instruction in Philippians 2 will have this kind of glorious and beneficial impact upon our humility. As I read for you from that passage, tell me it doesn’t sound like the very same mutual mindset to our mutual benefit that Paul speaks of here in Rom 12:16!

Philippians 2:1–11 ESV

¹ So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, ² complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. ³Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. ⁴ Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. ⁵ Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, ⁶ who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ⁷but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. ⁸ And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. ⁹ Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, ¹⁰ so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, ¹¹ and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Again, my argument is that such is the best way to learn humility, by admiring the exalted Lord Jesus and longing to be like him in his humility for the good of others.

Christian love humbles oneself, enabling harmony among us as we learn to think the same way. In all four of these different ways we have heard from Paul today that we are to…

Demonstrate Christian love in caring for others at personal cost.

Christian love cares for others at personal cost. Remember, do not balk at the cost, for nowhere is the personal cost of love more significant and more evident than in the humble condescension and sacrifice of our Lord Jesus. There is cost to be like Jesus, but such love is worth the cost, so that we might exalt our Lord by loving like him.

PRAY

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