Fight Mistreatment with God’s Astonishing Love – Romans 12:17–21

PRAY

Recall that Paul’s virtue list began with genuine love, which is God’s love at work in us (v. 9). That overarching theme persists in the other virtues of how we are to treat one another in the family of God. So too the theme of God’s love continues in virtuous response toward outsiders, and particularly those who treat us unfairly, even with hostility.

Romans 12:17–21 ESV

¹⁷ Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.
¹⁸ If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.
¹⁹ Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.”
²⁰ To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.”
²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Here’s what I believe we should walk away with today from this last part of Paul’s list of Christian virtues—of this distinctly Christian way of living. 

Instead of retaliating, fight mistreatment with God’s astonishing love.

The relationship to persecutors touched on in v. 14 is now developed more extensively in verses 17-21. So this pertains especially to the way God’s love in us plays out in our attitudes and behaviors towards non-Christians (even particularly those who oppose and wrong us). But if this applies to outsiders, then it most certainly applies to how we are to respond to insiders—to those in the household of faith.

Now God’s love in us is astonishingly different from what seems to be the common human response. But we never look more like Jesus than when we fight mistreatment with the goodness of God’s love.

Also at verse 14, where Paul emphasized blessing instead of cursing persecutors, we made a connection to the explicit teaching of Jesus. Citizens of his kingdom, rooted in God’s love, are to behave differently than what seems natural or even what was normally taught. Matthew 5:43–44 “43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.”

But also on this topic of not retaliating and instead fighting evil with good, we need only back up a tiny bit in that same passage. We hear this from Jesus:

Matthew 5:38–39 ESV

³⁸ “You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ ³⁹ But I say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.

The first part of this God intended as a system for governing authorities to handle justice, but these teachers wrongly misapplied it to personal response. It was never meant for individuals to take matters into their own hands.

Therefore, turning the other cheek is Christ’s way of dramatizing that we should do the opposite. It is a way of saying, you may mistreat me, but I will not retaliate in kind.

Jesus further adds the contrast of doing good instead:

Matthew 5:40–41 ESV

⁴⁰ And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. ⁴¹ And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.

The very point of this giving extra and going another mile is that such goodness and kindness toward someone mistreating you is astonishing.

It’s surprising. It’s meant to draw attention to God’s astonishing love, in which Jesus gave himself while we were still sinners, when we were God’s enemies.

Paul picks up this teaching from Jesus, calling those saved by grace to be instruments of God’s love. Instead of retaliating, we fight mistreatment with the astonishing goodness of God’s love.

So Paul urges us…

Don’t retaliate, but plan to be winsome and peaceable. (verses 17-18) 

“Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all people. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all people.”

Now there is a tacit admission here. Retaliation absolutely tends to be our natural inclination. “The desire to retaliate almost overwhelms us when we have been treated unjustly.” (Tom Schreiner, BECNT Romans, 2nd ed.) As we grow older and mature, we are more likely to have some measure of self-control with this impulse. Even so, we may experience a particularly strong desire to retaliate when someone else we care for is treated unjustly. Can you imagine the desire for retaliation that early Christians might have felt from the unjust stoning of Stephen?

But in spite of a tacit admission that this is not a simple or easy thing to achieve, Paul calls us to curb the payback impulse and counter hostility with God’s astonishing love now at work in us.

What is more plain in the text is that it is evil to respond in kind when evil is perpetrated against us. This is true no matter how strong the urge or how common or acceptable retaliation might be in the society around us. When we retaliate we are giving in to a base instinct that is rooted in sin. Do not repay evil for evil. God’s people are to behave differently, in a way that astonishes others with the goodness of God’s love.

Paul knows exactly how different this Christian behavior is, which is exactly the point. He says then that we must plan ahead for what is winsome before all men. And as far as it depends on us, to live peaceably with all men.

The reason I say this as planning ahead is because the verb Paul uses for “giving thought to” is a word that means considering carefully with foresight. It is to think ahead and make provision for how you will respond when mistreated. We might easily overlook the importance of this pondering in advance how we will respond. But if our instinct is to retaliate, then we must literally plan ahead about situations and prepare ourselves to act in love and not act in the way we have been treated. - You do this planning ahead in every other part of life. Why wouldn’t you do it with regards to responding to evil? You don’t go to work a certain job without the proper clothing and equipment. You don’t plan to play football without padding and a helmet, and you don’t go into battle without armor and weapons.

Paul challenges us to prepare for responding to mistreatment with good (kalos) instead of evil (kakos). Of course he deliberately uses this word play to contrast the good from the bad (evil), but this particular word for good emphasizes a moral quality that is attractive, beautiful, desirable. What Paul challenges us to then is preparation for winsomely good behavior when the mistreatment comes. This winsomeness is a deliberately positive witness. It is a testimony to the difference that God’s love in Christ Jesus makes in our lives. Nothing shouts ‘Jesus has saved me and changed me’ more than responding to mistreatment with politeness and kindness and generosity.

A second thing we should prepare to be is peaceable whenever possible. Just as we should live winsomely before all men, we should live at peace with all men, so far as what is in our power. To really be at peace with someone takes both sides, of course, but Paul urges us to be at peace with others as much as it depends on us. We cannot and must not go along with others in sin. That’s not peace but complicity in sin.

Being peaceable also doesn’t mean being silent about sin or about systematic wickedness. But being peaceable will impact how we go about pursuing justice and righteousness. I believe the Bible indicates in places like this that there is a way to call out wrong that is winsome and peaceable, and there are ways of doing it that are worldly and ungodly. We do not seek to win an argument at all cost; for in so doing we might have already lost. As we pursue justice and righteousness for the sake of others in the world around us, it is right that we should do so in a way that is winsome and peaceable, not worldly and ungodly.

What Paul describes is Christians loving like God, who extends peace to the one who will accept it, while also winsomely defending what is good. But especially if we are defending righteousness and desiring to suppress evil, we must be winsome and peaceable in our relationships to other people.

This planning ahead to respond with winsome good and what makes for peace is so intensely practical for our lives. First, instead of merely trying to not do something, we are replacing that with something positive—which is winsomeness and peacemaking. Second, In most relationships we have multiple chances to respond to people either angrily or winsomely, either sharply or peaceably. So we will need to seek forgiveness for past inappropriate attitudes, words, and actions, and prepare ourselves for the next opportunity. Third, prayerful preparation helps us to be genuine before God. It enables us to not seek to be winsome only for show, so that we look good, but to be sincere. And it helps us not pretend to pursue peace or halfheartedly pursue peace. On our side, our heart before God matters more than even the outcome. So we prepare for the Spirit’s help to make us truly winsome and peaceable in our relationships.

Note that Paul doesn’t say this response to mistreatment is easy, but he does indicate that it is possible for those secure in God’s love, and it is a powerful testimony to God’s astonishing love.

Verses 19 & 20 repeat the same pattern of “don’t avenge but do good,” only this time with particular emphasis on trusting God and on countering hostility with kindness.

Trust God to handle retribution, and counter hostility with kindness. (verses 19-20)

“Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” (19) …quoting from Deut 32:35.

Do not avenge, but let God to handle retribution. - As we highlighted last week at verse 14, this is not to say that we will never involve the justice system of governing authority. In some cases, that is the way to pursue the good of a person who is hardened in their unrepentance. But we must not do so in a spirit of vengeance, but rather with a heart that trusts God and desires the lasting good of the other person.

Ultimately, therefore, we have no need to avenge ourselves because God will justly handle retribution. We can trust that God sees all and that sin is never unaccounted for. As we said last week, every single sin will receive justice. Either a person will pay for it by their own punishment, or they will repent and believe in the Lord Jesus, whose sacrificial atonement therefore covers their sin.

And this trust in God’s just judgment instead of retaliating was modeled most supremely by our Lord Jesus. We are called to be like him. Listen to the Apostle Peter’s description of Jesus as our pattern to follow for how we need not retaliate to mistreatment because we trust in God’s ultimate justice.

1 Peter 2:21–23 ESV

²¹ For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. ²² He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. ²³ When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.

Precisely because we know we are beloved of God (as Paul begins the verse), and that God hates sin, and that he is trustworthy to repay injustice in his perfect way and timing, we can be like Jesus and leave retribution in God’s hands.

Instead, we counter hostility with God’s astonishing love at work in us, by demonstrating practical kindness to opponents. Such kindness will either encourage repentance or confirm judgment.

“To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” (20) This quotation comes from Prov 25:21-22.

The kindness of giving your enemy food and drink for his hunger and thirst is surely meant to represent doing good of every kind. Truly, we do not know what further opportunities practical kindness to opponents might lead to. Perhaps offering food and drink will lead to offering to them Jesus as the bread of life and living water for their souls.

But it is the reasoning for doing this from the quotation that could raise some questions for us as we seek to understand it: “for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Some would suggest that the idea is that the person might be ashamed of their bad behavior by your good behavior. Thus the possibility is that such could lead to a pang of conscience and produce repentance. Another option would connect this to God’s retribution in v. 19, such that your good behavior only confirms their bad behavior and deserved justice.

I think the way Paul uses this quote would indicate that both of these things are true. Our astonishing kindness to opponents will either encourage repentance or confirm judgment. It puts the responsibility back in their court. They might be ashamed of their behavior by the kindness you have shown, and repent. If not, that will only serve to confirm the judgment deserved for such wickedness.

So our kindness, our winsomeness and peaceableness (from vv. 17&18), will either attract them to repent, or it will confirm their shameful and unjustified malice and result in judgment.

Finally, Paul concludes the section, and the whole list with “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

In summary, conquer evil with good. (verse 21)

What began with, “Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good” (Rom 12:9)… now ends with, “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

We do not try to conquer evil with evil, but with good. Giving in to bitterness and revenge gives evil the upper hand in our lives and in the world around us. Evil is like a monster that continually feeds on retaliation. The way to defeat this evil that wants to devour us and everyone around us is to starve it with kindness and good intentions toward those who wrong us. Thus evil cannot win if we refuse retaliation. And the best way to do that, which we see in this whole section, is to actively pursue good in the place of evil. Our most powerful weapon against evil is good. Good (agathos) is moral excellence, which is both a quality and behavior.

Not only will we not be conquered by evil, but good conquers evil. This is the way of God, who is supremely loving and good. God does not, nor will not, defeat evil with more evil. No, God is triumphing over evil with good. As we saw at verse 9, the standard and source of good is God’s astonishing love. Rather than giving us what we deserve, the Triune God resolves our sin problem through gracious self-giving sacrifice—with love that is supremely good. If we do not respond to that loving offer, we will suffer the permanent consequence of our evil. But the gracious offer of God’s love and goodness is extended to us, and once we have received it, we extend it to others.

When God’s love is displayed in us, good wins over evil. But this means knowing the wrong committed against us and not retaliating. It means to do the astonishingly gracious thing, responding to malice with kindness and generosity, being winsome and peaceable. When we do this, we are participating in the victorious goodness and love of God.

That fact is that the goodness of God’s love will be victorious. The question is, are we joining him in demonstrating his astonishing love. How will we know this? How will we participate in God’s victorious conquering of evil with good? We must actively pursue God’s love to be displayed in us, even and especially in this most astonishing way of paying back malice with kindness.

Conclusion: God’s love in us wins when…

God’s love in us wins when we do not seek payback, but plan for positive witness and peaceable living.

God’s love in us wins when we trust God to handle retribution, and instead counter hostility with kindness, encouraging repentance or confirming judgment.

God’s love in us wins when we conquer evil with good.

PRAY

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